The time has come for us to part.

Did you really think you’d break my heart?

We’ve run our course.

There’s no remorse.

We’re done.

You son

of a gun.

Published in: on November 24, 2014 at 2:13 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Food for Thought

Norman-Rockwell-Thanksgiving-thanksgiving-2927689-375-479A generation ago, when you’d visit a friend’s house, the first-generation American mom would feed you.  There was always food available in the house and it was homemade.  It was an insult to the family to refuse to eat something.  Many cultures are food-based, though here in America we are becoming food freaks.  Although I’m getting old now, it hasn’t been that long ago that I can remember a culture where nothing was wasted.  I remember pie crust made with lard and a can on the stove with the morning’s bacon grease to be spread on bread at lunch at my grandfather’s house.  My dad ate pickled pigs’ feet and really smelly cheese.

We’ve evolved to be somewhat healthier human beings but we certainly aren’t healthier in proportion to the “healthier” foods we’re eating.  Fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free…we should be extremely thin and living forever!  Paleo diet worked for paleo man who had an average lifespan of – what – 40 years?

The crazy stuff we eat is trendy but definitely not sustainable.

We were born to enjoy food and enjoy the act of eating.  We like to have dinner together because it’s a social activity for which we are pre-programmed as humans.  Food is a pleasure, and one that we like to share.

This is why, at my house on Thanksgiving this coming Thursday, I will be sharing a huge feast with people whom I love dearly.  We will be eating family recipes that have been on the table for three generations that I can verify and suspect have been on tables I’ve never seen.  We will have just as much dessert (pies) available as we have dinner.  We’ll have a large loaf of plain ol’ white bread and Miracle Whip for late night sandwiches even though we’re stuffed from dinner.  We will feel like a family.

There will be no kale, no fat-free or sugar-free, or counting calories.  We will absolutely enjoy the day and the meal and will look forward to it fondly for next year too.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Published in: on November 21, 2014 at 7:56 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Strange Dreams: Body Work

Do people wear clothes?  Or do clothes wear people?  I had another wacky dream last night and got some answers to these questions.  I’ve kinda always thought that real people wear real clothes (like off-the-rack type clothes) and that the haute couture type clothes wear people.  My dream explored anorexic models, clothes as art, and runways.

Clothes as art are designed by true artists, but not necessarily to complement bodies.  Our perception of what humans should look like is so out of kilter that models have restructured their bodies to unreal proportions so these clothes can wear them:  young women with the bodies of young boys, women with butts so large they can balance champagne glasses atop them, women with breasts so large they look like they’ll topple over, both men and women with so much plastic surgery they’re not recognizable except by DNA testing.  Hairstyles from which real birds fly, helmet hair, colors that don’t occur in nature anywhere.  Makeup that magnifies, geometricizes, and creates skin color unknown to man.

The dream provided me with a viable solution to some of these problems.  I propose society approves the use of robot models for designer clothing.  These robots could be the women’s size zero or two, or whatever ridiculous negative the clothes are designed for.  They could be made of the same materials as those real-life-like baby dolls with soft skin and angelic,but angry-looking, faces.  They could wear various wigs to accent the designer clothes and could wear whatever makeup the artist chooses.  They would be scrubbable and pose-able.  They’d be seven feet tall with a twenty-inch waist, and legs the length of three-quarters of their total body height.  They’d float down the runway, one foot exactly in front of the other, and wouldn’t trip or fall in footwear that isn’t shoes.  They could be remotely controlled from the audience to perform at any moment to highlight the designer’s vision.  Best of all, they wouldn’t ever have the need to eat.

The rest of us could then be free to be human, to have cellulite, and to eat pie without any guilt whatsoever.  We could happily continue to shop for clothes at Target, Kohl’s, Macy’s, Ross, and all the other wonderful places where we can buy clothes in which we can sit, run, drive, and enjoy ourselves.

Published in: on November 21, 2014 at 7:31 pm  Leave a Comment  
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