Strange Dreams: Spanx

I frequently dream about bathrooms; more specifically, having to go to the bathroom. This dream seems to come with REM sleep a couple of times every night and when I finally wake up, guess what? That’s right…I have to go to the bathroom! Last night I had a real doozy which you might enjoy.
The setting is a very old hospital, but well kept, where I was either working or visiting; my purpose was not exactly clear. The building was in nice condition, with original dark wooden doors and beautiful woodwork and the interior had been renovated to look like something out of the 1920s. It was beautiful. But, as with most reconfigurations, there were doors where they wouldn’t necessarily be expected and the design was not columnar, bathrooms on one floor were not necessarily above or below any others.
I really had to go and couldn’t find a restroom. I’d turn right and head into a ward (a real ward, like in the old days) where everyone was dressed in white – both the staff and the patients – and all the bedding was white, including the painted iron beds. Then I’d turn again and I’d be in a research lab. Many times, I stumbled into beautiful mahogany paneled offices of obviously important doctors and administrators.
Here’s the thing. I had my post-menopausal body and was wearing Spanx. Not just Spanx, but way-too-small Spanx. I thought you were supposed to purchase them based on the size you wanted to be, not the size you really are. So, my extra large body was in a pair of smalls. I really had to go.
My first stop was a very small room in what was obviously a closet in a prior life. It had a white painted wooden door with a frosted glass window. It took many minutes to get the Spanx off. If you’ve ever worn them, you know that it is a challenge to relieve yourself, even if you’ve planned in advance. I started to push them down with my thumbs but it was taking too long. Then I rolled them down as far as I could and pushed them down full-handed. They were down about mid-thigh but I couldn’t wait any longer. I sat down to realize that this toilet was out of order. I left them as is and pulled down my dress. I opened the door and started walking, completely stuck at the thighs and shuffling from the knees down only.
My next stop was an unmarked door that opened into a beautiful empty office with a private loo. I quickly went in but it didn’t lock. Predictably, the office occupant surfaced and opened the door while I was trying to pee with my knees still locked. I was asked to “get the hell out.” Again, pulled the skirt down and shuffled out.
Having exhausted my options on the current floor, I tried to find an elevator but with the building’s reconfiguration seemed to be stumbling through a maze. After many dead-end attempts I found myself awake and able to get up and pee in my own bathroom having removed my gym shorts. Bliss.

Published in: on October 1, 2014 at 9:03 pm  Leave a Comment  
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